


Stung by a serpent

by Kindred



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crazy fic, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Idiots in Love, M/M, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Swearing, baby genesis, not got a clue, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:26:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kindred/pseuds/Kindred
Summary: How many more ways can Cassidy say he is pregnant?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OMG I have no idea ... I just started watching the show last night... but yeah still got no idea what I'm doing

He woke up to the sounds of someone throwing up; he frowned as he sat up on the bed his eyes heavy with sleep and the slight thump of a hangover. He looked over to the bathroom where he sees Tulip on the edge of the bath tub looking right at him. One hand has a cigarette while the other hand was pressing a cold wet flannel to back of kneeling man’s neck. “I think you over didn’t on chocolate sauce raw beef last night.” She told the kneeling man. Jesse blinked as he watched the other man heave his whole body shaking.  
“What is happening?” Jesse asked, as he stood swaying slightly before walking over to the bath room, Cassidy looked up from the where his had his head down the toilet  
“You’re an arse! Why can’t there be one normal thing about you? Why couldn’t you have been another dull human?” 

He moaned as turned his head to continue to throw up into the toilet. The Preacher stood there frowning as he looked at the vampire kneeling on his bathroom floor. He looked up at Tulip who shrugged him as she stood up and rewet the flannel and placed it on the back of his neck. “I just want to know when the two of your had time for sex?” She asked, with a raised eye brow.   
“What? Wait what did I do?” He asked, Cassidy lifted his head again and spat into the toilet before flushing it, he turned to look at him and frowned at him with a glare as he rested his head on Tulip thighs. He took her cigarette and put it to his   
“I’ve been Stung by a serpent.” He told him.   
“What?” both Jesse and Tulip asked as they looked at him, the preacher wondered if he was high or having a really trippy dream as he watched his girl friend run her fingers though his vampire boy friend. The vampire sighed as he took looked up at him.   
“You plugged me mate.” Still he got a blank look “You put bacon in my drawer?” Again Jesse is at a lost   
“Cassidy what are you smoking?” She asked him as the vampire sucked his tongue and flicked it over his teeth.   
“Are you high?” Jesse asked him  
“Just tell him!” Tulip yelled   
“Oh for fuck sake.” He stands up, and walks over to his lover and grabs him by his off white tank top and looked him up and down “I… AM… PREGNANT!” He yelled, Jesse’s eyes widen to twice their size as he looks at him his mouth open not sure what to say. “What still not getting it padre?” Jesse swears that Cassidy Irish tongue fluid in crazy bull shit.  
“You’re…” He started to say, but lost his voice as he turned to look at Tulip who was leaning against the door frame  
“You wanted to the both of us… this is your crazy.” She told him. Cassidy snorted before Jesse looked back at him with wide eyes.   
“What?”  
“Your superhuman sperm has knocked me up! Me who also happens to be a vampire and man who doesn’t have a beating heart.”  
Jesse opens his mouth but no sound comes out all that happens in he falls sideways and passes out “Oh wonderful I see how it’s going to be.” Cassidy mumbled as he bends down and hulls up the dead weight back into the bed room.  
“How did you think he was going to react? He didn’t take you being a vampire all too well did he?” She told him,   
“True. But he’s my mate he will…”  
“Get over it?” She asked,   
“He’s got no choice.” Cassidy grinned. Tulip helped him put the Preacher back on the bed, just as he woke up with a groan and sees the swimming image of his lovers above him.  
“You need to stop drink, smoking and doing drugs.”   
“Fuck you your gobshite. Baby isn’t human I do what I fucking want.” Jesse blinked at him as he laid there unsure what to say.  
“Cass…”  
“Alright fine I will stop drinking…Maybe.” He told him as he scratches his head.   
“Cass…”  
“Okay-okay I will stop smoking weed, don’t want the kid to be an idiot do we. God knows he will need all the help it can get with us as it parents.” He was off mumbling away.


	2. Chapter 2

4 months and counting …  
His cravings were weird, there was not another word for it was never the same thing twice, if the chocolate sauce raw beef was anything to go by then blooded warmed in the microwave with chips to dip was just the tip of the iceberg. Jesse had watched in fascination as Cass’s stomach started to form a small bump he could hardly keep his hands off it. Tulip was acting like a mother head around him and he often found the pair of them whispering together and giggling, he figured his two lovers are talking about him.

He figured he should be worried about all of it and freak out like he did when Cass proved to him that he was a vampire. But hey he is the walking vessel for Genesis so you know learning that his vampire lover is carrying his child isn’t so crazy. “I still think you should see a doctor.” Tulip said   
“That will go down well won’t it?” Cassidy mumbled as he ate his bloody chip. “Tulip love I’m a male they are going to find it a bit strange that I’m pregnant.” She frowned as she paced the motel room.   
“Well, what about that guy? You know the one who had that baby?” She asked,   
“Sex change, she got pregnant and didn’t know that when she became a he. I’m a little different.” He grinned at her. She sighed as she lit a cigarette up and looked at him and then to Jesse.   
“What do you think Jesse?” She asked “Don’t you think Cass should see a doctor? Or at least get a scan.”   
“Scan wouldn’t be a bad thing.” He told the vampire,   
“The vets!” Cassidy said as he pushed himself out of the chair with a hiss of his back creaking. 

“The vets?” Tulip asked with a raised eye brow “Wait this isn’t like the reserve Omen, is it? Where you are giving birth to a dog?” Even Jesse had to look at her as a little smirk formed on his lips as he turned to look at his vampiric lover.   
“Are you given birth to a hell hound?” He smiled at Cassidy who was pouting as he warped his arms around his stomach.   
“Don’t be mean about my little blob.” He told them “And I was saying we could use one of those whats it called Sonic boom machine.” He said as he finished off his mug of blood.  
“You mean ultrasound machine.” Jesse chuckled,   
“That is what I said.”   
“It’s not a bad idea, we can break in once it’s closed for the night and used the machine and be gone before morning,” Tulip said with a smile. Jesse had wonder with all this mothering at Tulip was doing was her way of trying to make sure they don’t lose this one.

So under the cover of darkness, they arrived at the vet's and broke into the back through the window, or rather Jesse broke the window and Tulip slipped through the small gap and open the back door. “You know I can still shimmy through small holes I’m not a beached whale yet,” Cassidy mumbled, there is a chance that Cass’s hormones are going little crazy. Tulip found the ultrasound machine as wheeled it into the room.   
“Alright up on the table,” Jesse said as Cassidy jumped up and laid down pulling up his shirt.   
“This might be cold.” She said as she squirted the gel onto his stomach.   
“Oooooh, that is freezing!”   
“I said it was cold,” Tulip told him as she flipped the machine on placed the little wand on the vampire’s small dome. 

They all turned to look at the screen as the wand was pressed into the vampire’s stomach as he moved it over “I can’t see anything?” Cassidy said as he squinted at the black and white image.  
“Ah, there it is.” Jesse said, he smiled as he looked at Tulip who saw it as well, Cassidy sat up and frowned as he looked at the screen and frowned.   
“Where?” The vampire asked   
“There see, there it’s the head.” Cass tilted his head and looked at the screen.   
“You must be seeing things Padre, I just see a blob…Oh my god it’s my blob!” when he could finally see it the outline of the baby.

“FREEZE!” Came shout, Tulip groaned and looked at Jesse “Turn around and you get off the table!” turning around they looked at the policeman stood there holding a gun at them. Cassidy wiped the gel off his stomach and pulled his shirt down as he looked at the cop.   
“What now?” He asked the others.  
“Well, we could fight our way out.” Tulip offered,   
“What if he shoots Cas? It would be safer to use Genesis and get him to forget he ever saw us?” Jesse mumbled, the young officer stood there jumpy as a rabbit as he waved his gun from one to the other.   
“Whoa whoa? Why would he shoot me?” The vampire asked   
“Stop talking! I’m just going to call for back up…” He turned to speak into his comms.   
“Stop,” Jesse yelled, but it didn’t sound right, Tulip and Cass looked at him and frowned. “Just one moment.” He said as he sees the confused look on the cop’s face as Jesse cleared his throat thumping his chest before trying again “You never saw us?” He said, “That didn’t sound right?”   
“Maybe it’s a sleep?” Cassidy said, with a shrug the preacher looked confused as he tapped his chest again.   
“Has Genesis ever done this before?” Tulip asked,   
“No never? I know I haven’t used it in a while but it just doesn’t turn off.”   
“What are you three talking about?” The cop asked, Cassidy, picked a metal try and swung it cross the cops head and watched him fall to the ground.  
“One problem sorted.” The vampire said as he dropped the tray onto the ground.

They made their way back to the motel Jesse quiet for most of the trip apart from trying to get Genesis to work. Cassidy sat squirming on his seat feeling uncomfortable “You okay Cass?” Tulip asked as they drove away from the vets.   
“Ummm just I don’t know it’s like the baby is trying to do the back stroke while jogging.” He mumbled,   
“Stop the car,” Jesse yelled out   
“Do I need to?” Tulip asked, looking up through the review mirror, the preacher gave her blunt look that made her go “Oh.” She turned back to the road and looked out; she pushed her lips together as she rested her head on her free arm. “Maybe Genesis is the baby?” She said out loud, it was like all the air in the car was sucked out as no one dared talk or breath.   
“Oh shit.”


End file.
